I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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