My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
