Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
