and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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