Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
