I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
They are going to name an STD after you.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
