I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize