Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
