it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
i now understand why vodka
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
