new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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