You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
