Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
All I want is dick and wine.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
