How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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