apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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