You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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