My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
