I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
