I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
