haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize