The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
where does the pee come out of this thing
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
