i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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