Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
