nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize