it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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