I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
