I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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