i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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