guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
