Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize