Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
