I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
