1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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