Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize