you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize