Dual....:-)
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
