Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
