have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
