I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
there is puke in my bra ... again
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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