it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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