Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
