broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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