Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i think my mom watched the whole time
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
