I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize