So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize