Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
