I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
