It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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