i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
