Your face is a jimmy john
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize