And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
