they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
