Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Someone signed my nipple.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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