she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
