i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
