I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize