would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize