arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize