halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
