OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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