This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Randomize
