I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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