dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
