She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
