I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
