so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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