3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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