So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
