Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
