Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
