We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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