Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
