if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
