that's an acceptable place to lick
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Shitshow foam night was such a success
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
