Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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