I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Michael Bay diarrhea
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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