Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
