She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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