Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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