I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
