1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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