one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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