Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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