I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize
