I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
