Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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