Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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