so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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