i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
