I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
