After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
