His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
