Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
