I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
