Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize