Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
