Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
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