ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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