I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
