You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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