There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I just found a bag of teeth...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
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