what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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