I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize