I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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