I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
